The "Good Guys" and the "Bad Guys": when it's not just child's play

Dearest Children,

Here is something I wrote for the @thecardigannewsletter on a topic I think about every day because: see below...

On a near daily basis, my two and a half year old jumps in front of me and shouts: “Mommy, I’m be a police! You be a bad guy!”

Maybe a child you know has asked you to join them in similar imaginary play. Maybe you’ve seen a toy or a show based entirely on the premise of law enforcement catching “bad guys” and putting them “behind bars.” Maybe you’ve read picture books to students or open and closed the flaps on a board book showing a toddler what “community helpers” do all day. It may not have occurred to you--as it didn’t to me for a long time--but an unconscious dichotomy between “the good guys” and “the bad guys” was taking root; a biased message that first responders are always good, their primary motive is to keep us safe and when they do so it’s because they got rid of the "bad" people.

We need to be aware of our language when discussing first responders in our communities as well as the superheroes and villains of our imaginations. As caregivers and educators, it is important to be aware of unconscious bias in ourselves and in the media we are consuming and sharing, taking care to note who is being labeled as “good” and “bad.” (For today I’ll note, but put aside the discussion of the gendered use of the term “guys” in this vernacular.) 

When even the playground equipment is telling you something. This is his face when I tried to tell him he should be writing parking violations for apron or otherwise obnoxiously parked luxury cars instead of chasing subjectively determined bad guys.

 

Who are the “bad guys”?

According to a 2016 report by the Annie E. Casey Foundation, more than five million children--that’s 1 in 14 children--have had a parent in prison at some point in their lives. Black and Latino kids are seven and two times more likely, respectively, than white children to have an incarcerated parent. These numbers reflect only parents who have been sentenced to state or federal prisons--not to parents that are held on bond in pre-trial incarceration or to other family members and friends who may have been incarcerated. When we consider those populations, it’s not hard to imagine that many more than 1 in 14 of the children you encounter each day will know someone who is or has been “behind bars.”

So when we use terms like “bad guys” and glorify putting people “behind bars,” we have to consider that we are making light of a situation or possibly disparaging someone whom a child undoubtedly loves. We are reinforcing an oversimplified paradigm of a very complicated reality. Having an incarcerated parent can affect a child’s well-being in many ways. Our classrooms, libraries, and the future citizens we help to shape, should not be hostile towards or an additional obstacle to the success of children who have incarcerated loved ones. In being aware of our language, we can provide an environment that is empathetic and supportive of that reality.

I have commandeered a bulletin board at the kids' school for social justice themes. For every ounce of bias my little sponges soak up, I will attempt to flood them (and other people's kids!) with anti-bias messages.

Who are the “good guys”?

The second question we need to consider is: do we hold the privileged assumption that first responders are unfailing heroes that are here to protect us? Because, the truth is that there are many children who are at the very least wary of uniformed officials if not outright fearful. 

People in uniforms have taken away or could take away undocumented loved ones. People in uniforms have pulled over or searched or possibly inflicted pain on someone they are close to.

There is also mistrust of emergency medical responders. When it comes to first responders providing aid, there are documented disparities in treatment and emergency response times between suburban and urban populations and that breakdown across racial demographics (source and source).

My two year-old has already absorbed and accepted the idea that there are good and bad people (and the good people are the ones who wear cool uniforms!)--I have searched high and low for books about police officers and paramedics that present a more factual and less-biased perspective. I have found books with POC firefighters and female police officers and I’m glad my son’s perception of who can be a first responder is broadened by them. But, these books leave an incomplete and dishonest picture, as they depict the smiling faces and friendly waves of police officers and firefighters.

Are the books and lessons we share reflecting that reality? Or are they perpetuating the clear-cut idea that there are good people and bad people--and that we can be absolutely certain of who they are. And, further, do we try to convince children of the fallacy that if you’re just a good child and follow all the rules, everything and everyone you love will be okay?

My son continues to parrot the phrases he hears on seemingly innocuous children’s cartoons and that he’s picked up from advertisements for racing police cars. Because it’s not incongruous with his experiences of law enforcement, thus far, in his life. But his is not the only reality. Nor will his reality as a toddler in an affluent, suburban community stay the same as he grows up as a male of color in America.

While I’d like to push the realities of the world out of my mind for the sake of creative play and let him save the day as he carts off his misbehaving stuffed animals… “it’s just child’s play” we might say. There is too much on the line for me to not push back against his current understanding of the world. It’s my role as a parent, caretaker and educator to insure that my child and others become critical thinkers that are aware of the complex realities of humanity. Further, that they grow into adults that are empathetic and that advocate for themselves and others in the face of inequity.

For a resource that was written to assess children’s books for their depictions of police (but which poses helpful questions that could be applied to any media), check out Oakland Public Library’s toolkit available here.

Comments

[Robin P]

This is great, thanks so much Lauren! I remember an important conversation I had with the three kids in the car that helped them begin to discover this dynamic. Fortunately it was very low risk for me -- an SFPD police officer (perhaps on a power high?) stopped me from pulling away from the curb after stopping briefly in a red zone, putting my blinkers on and running 10 feet to mail something in a mailbox, and running back to my car to leave. He gave me citations for 4 different things (blocking a ramp, parking in a red zone, blocking traffic, etc), totaling more than $500 in fines. I was SO angry, and the kids could tell. While more or less maintaining my civility during the encounter, it was a revelation to the kids that a police officer would do something that made me so angry and that hurt us. We talked about how police officers aren't always good, and that sometimes they abuse their power. I never really thought about how fundamentally important this encounter might have been for them, as minor as it was compared to what POC deal with in encounters with the police.

Also, FWIW, the next day I went in and fought the tickets and got them all cancelled. Not sure what was going on with that officer, but SF didn't even question my accounting of what happened.