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04 June 2012


Christina Bailey

What a brave post. My warm thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


You are not alone. Last year I stopped drinking and got sober. I made some massive mistakes in my life as a drunk. But boiling below the surface something else was deeply wrong. I never woke up, that I recall, wanting to stay awake. That's how awful the voices in my head were. Booze calmed it. When I got sober it was like two lions woke up in my head and started to wreak havoc in my mind. Hard to explain what I felt but my brain felt like a massive ball rolling in my head and I couldn't control it. For probably over a decade I was bipolar but even with drinking to kill the symptoms, it was still there messing with me. When it let loose it came in the full force of a mixed state. That's where I go right off if I don't take care of myself. It is tormenting. I lost my wife, job, friends, and got into massive debt from not understanding my own mind and impulses. Now I am finally on what I think is the right medication cocktail after a few tries. Keep talking about it. I know I am. I made a public amends a few weeks ago. That was scary, but it helped: http://notes-from-off-center.com/2012/05/21/amends/ I know others are. Secrets make us sick as we say in my program to recover from alcohol. There's power in surrender!

Deborah M

It was such a Duh! Epiphany moment when I was diagnosed with bipolar, and as my therapist and I unpacked the stories & rhythms of my life. I hope you find peace in the midst of the chaos of bipolar. I'm still looking for mine, but think it's near.

Carol Coe Pugh

Lauren, that took real courage to write. It is a lovely post. Thank you for sharing your real self & situation.

Life is not fair. Sometimes our circumstances are just plain shitty. And all we can do is work with what we have today or even this minute.

I do believe that the most important thing you can hold onto is that you, Lauren, are deeply loved. No matter what. I hope that you will feel that love through the support of your family & community.

Wishing you happier, more stable days & continued growth as you navigate this crazy journey called life!

Christine Boles

Thank you Lauren for sharing, and for your honesty, which is truly the only way to cope and get through day to day. We are all in this crazy mixed up world together, and we all have our issues, though some of us, like me, learned too long ago to hide them. I hope that together we can live truthfully, be ourselves, even as we were created with those imperfections. Prayers are with you, your beautiful inside and out self, and your incredibly loving family.


It's strange, isn't it? Somehow putting a name to things helps deal with it. Don't know exactly why. It's like you at least know where to go from here, it's not just you, and there's "stuff" out there about it all.
But always and forever, remember that you are loved. Love you no matter what!

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