Ramblings: employment news, my stay at home parenting worries, attempting to keep ourselves occupied.

Dearest Daughters,

It's about time I told you that pretty soon I'm going to become a full time stay at home parent--if only for a couple of months before I'm driven insane and/or penniless and into the arms of some form of employment. I'm crossing my fingers that won't happen.

The truth is: I'm lazy. Or that's how our capitalist, dual earner household society might view me. And if I never had to conventionally work for money another day in my life, I'd be content. On the other hand I have this urge to be "productive"--it's both innate and a societal pressure.

I want dearly to be able to spend my days playing and making art with you girls. Rolling around in the grass or dirt. So, I look forward to being able to spend ALL my time at home with you. Particularly those precious mid-morning hours, when we're all at our best.

I'm nervous about this transition. And the internal struggles I have with myself over "getting things done" versus "enjoying my kids" versus "having time for myself" versus "teaching my kids to entertain themselves."

This also means that we'll have to take Babybel out of school, which is a mere two mornings a week. And while you certainly benefit from the activities and play and structure and social opportunities provided by preschool, you are the type of child who will do fine in any environment you're in.

I can't really get a grasp on what "worries" me about being at home full time. I guess that I fear that I won't like it. That we'll all get bored or have tantrums or end up watching television all day. And the house will still be a mess. And I'll forget to feed you or give you water. And we'll all just be starving and dehydrated and cranky. And wet our pants.

Or something like that.

Sometimes when I post things on this blog or on Facebook describing our day, the People praise my parenting--the activities and opportunities that I provide for my children.

But the truth is: as much as I do it for you, multiply that times a thousand and that's how much I do it for myself. Really, People.

Lolopop, hearing about your recent watercolor bath, declared, "What a good Mommy you have! We just threw our kids in the tub and hosed them down."

To which I replied, "It doesn't take that much. I just give them the paints and make sure the water's warm and sit there for an hour." And we're all happy. In my measure, the supposed "effort" is worth not yelling at my children all day.

It's not so much what you girls need so much as what I need to get through my day. I have no discipline. And I like to call Lola and ask her, "So? What are you doing today?" And as long as we're all occupied, we make it to the end of the day unscathed. But, when there's no discernible objective to our day, I feel sort of lost and bored and like we desperately muddle through our day, me perpetually throwing toys and food in your general direction, feeling like I can't make anyone happy, attempting to avoid meltdown.

I need a routine.

I need go-tos. Outings, activities, snacks.

Auntie Katherine gave us a couple of books awhile back when I communicated this exact sentiment to her; the need for Sanity Preserving Time Occupying Not Television Related But Easy As Pie Go To Activities.

I highly recommend these books; your library might have a copy.

First Art: Art Experiences for Toddlers and Twos

Preschool Art: It's the Process, Not the Product

This morning's activity, as simple, as messy, as duh as it seems, came from the first book. Just so the People don't start to thinking I'm as amazing of a parent as my Facebook page lets on.

Working with the materials while you wait for Mommy to hurry up and make the paste already.

Danjo explores her materials.

Signing: "more" paste? (To eat, of course!)

Art is a process. Inclusive of clean up.

Love you,

Comments

[Auntie Robin]

What I want to know is....did anyone eat the paste?

[amy]

Once when Lindsay was little, and we were kind of marooned in Las Vegas, where there isn't much that's obvious to do with kids, and I was whining about that and wondering how I was going to provide enough social stuff for her and lalalalalahearmyselftalk, Grandma told me "You think too much". Come to think of it, I think she's told me that a number of times.
Really, you can't mess up your kids by being with them. Well, unless you are feeding them Coke and Cheetohs all day every day and swearing at them nonstop.
But I hear you saying you are really more worried about yourself. Definitely something most mommies think about, especially since we all started expecting so much of each other, like we would be betraying womanhood if we "only" raised kids, or "only" had careers.
I have such good memories of being home with a toddler and preschooler...and yes, one is about one-third the mental and physical energy requirement of two, but still...
I know I agonized over this stuff, but now all I remember is how much fun it was to sit and watch Little Bear and Kipper, or go to the cool library storytimes with crafts, or help you make Lego zoos with animals in their "areas" (no cages for our animals).
I guess I'm not really giving any advice, but then, you are a great mommy, so you don't really need advice. Just know that you'll love looking back at these years when they are in high school, and it WILL go really fast.

[abbykk]

You are as fabulous as your facebook page let's one. Hope this means we can go to the zoo more often!