Dearest Daughters,
Sunday, also the day Danjo was baptized, was the ten year memorial of "September 11th" or "9/11" as the date on which the United States suffered terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, DC has come to be called.
On the day Danjo was born, a couple of people breathed a sigh of relief, not only at the sight of such a beautiful and healthy baby, but also because they were thankful "she was born today and not TOMORROW." I assume because of 9/11. But, I didn't ask. You know, busy managing pain and the shock of a baby slipping out of me and all. So, maybe it was because they had scheduled haircuts or massages for the next day, selfish jerks.
On the morning of the terrorist attacks, I went to another day of my senior year of high school. I remember my Government teacher addressing us, the news of the Unknown and Unconfirmed, the looped images of amateur video of the plane collisions into the Twin Towers, playing on a television behind him. He, along with the Principal over the loud speaker, gave us what comfort they could muster, being equally shocked by the events. But, what I remember him saying, was nothing profound. Only that we would remember this moment, as generations before remembered pivotal events, the Cuban Missle Crisis, the assassination of JFK, of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (I guess not much pivotal happened between the 1960s and 2001, since he didn't mention anything else.)
It's kind of silly that what I remember most about that morning is someone telling me I would remember that morning.
Anyway, anniversaries of things, of deaths, of tragedies, of births, of marriages, of home ownership, bring up lots of emotions. I think because it's a day where we allow ourselves to feel strongly. In order to function on other days of the year, we have to let things go, to push things to the side, to forget, in a sense, and with time, there IS often healing. But, on an anniversary we are SUPPOSED to feel something, a little bruised, at least.
I'm not saying that I don't do the exact same thing in order to function. I seriously can't cope with the idea of Danjo turning one. So, that's why I disguised her birthday as a baptism.
But, I try, on a daily basis, to live fairly consciously. (As consciously as a wealthy American untouched by much trauma or grief can.) I think about my favorite piece of art. Gauguin's "Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?" To know who we are and where we are going, we cannot forget our origins and our past, historical, heavenly or otherwise.
And since 2011, in what amounts to ten years of war and political drama, there have been many times that I've taken pause, considered THAT fateful day and the days, months and years that have followed. I've considered the politics, the lives lost, the grief and the anger.
But, mostly, I've considered the hope. Of understanding. Of communication. Of learning. Of change. For the future of my children.
See, I'm really more of a positive person than I let on? And no, Lauren, rainbows and unicorns won't get us anywhere. I see your point. Unless you can traverse those magic rainbows on the backs of unicorns to a land of international peace, carbon independence, food stability, and preventative health care for all.
Girls, I'll concede, it's easy for me to not be mad and vengeful. I wasn't directly affected by September 11th. And I offer nothing more profound here than what many many others have offered up in their reflections on 9/11.
But, what I do offer is that anger and vengeance are not our mode of operation. It's just not how I was raised. Or how you are to be raised.
Your dad likes to heckle the other team at sporting events. And, yes, even though they are paid professionals, I still see them as I was taught by Lola to see them. As, someone's child. And also, as a Child of God. (See my thoughts about being God's despite all thoughts or attempts otherwise.)
So, it was fitting, I think, that Danjo was baptized on the tenth anniversary of September 11th. On a day so heavy with grief, with pain, with fear, Danjo's baptism was a joyous reminder. A reminder of my own baptism. A reminder of God's grace and love. Of God's acceptance. And of Jesus' message to love and forgive and love and do it all over again and again and again.
Because God loves you no matter what. And, I believe, we are all called to do the same for each other.
Love you no matter what,
---
Besides being your mom, I also work part time at a church as an office and building manager. In preparation for the service on September 11th, I found in the abundance of resources on the Interwebs, a prayer that resonated with me. I amended it a little, but here's a link to the original source. I also put together a little graphic based on the UCC's resources for September 11th. Both are below for your consumption and reflection.
O Holy One, You are the One from whom all life has come to be; You call to us from every part of your Creation - you who have loved us from before the first human ever walked this Earth. On this morning, we remember the events of September 11th, 2001 and the ten years that have since unfolded. Whether we are standing boldly in the sunshine this morning because our hearts are glad, or waiting empty in the snowy shadows with our grief; whether anger smolders in our hearts like glowing ash, or doubt eats away at us like a frosty winter wind; You call to us with Your eternal message of love – it has always been You that we have desired, for nothing else on this earth can satisfy our hunger except for You.
The world around us is full of violence and pain, doubt and mistrust- You know this intimately with us, remembering the cross. We are afraid of those we don’t know, those who don’t look like us, or think like us, or worship like us. Yet today you ask us to love them with greater hearts than we can imagine. Help us to believe what you tell us, Adonai, that you will give us everything we need.
God of our Lives, as we begin our worship, let all that burdens us fall away and may we receive all you intend for us today, our Rock and our Redeemer.
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