Have I Told You Tuesday: Where Three or More are Gathered

Dearest Daughters,

Ugh. I don't know why I'm being so serious and intense lately. It'll pass soon and I'll have something ridiculous and humorous to offer soon, I promise. Maybe some more college exploits? Like the time I tried to clean up a spilled drink with my flip flop, because I declared, "It's absorbent!"

Or not.

For better or worse, being a person of color in this country means toeing the line between shoving yourself in people's faces (educating the ignorant) for the good of all humans and knowing when to lay low.  It's kind of like parenting in that you have to learn to choose your battles. When will speaking up do more good than bad? Or when will it worsen the situation.

Lola has some particular "things" that irk her because of the world she was raised in where judgements were frequently and easily made. I wasn't conscious of these "things" until I had you girls. Like babies should wear socks. Shoes should be worn EVERY time you leave the house. Faces should be wiped and clothes should be clean.

Seems simple enough. But, then you become a parent and go out into the world of other parents. And you see a precious little white baby with mismatched clothes (however hipster) and a messy face. Maybe not wearing shoes. And you think nothing of it. You look at your own browner child with crazy, tangled curls, a dirty face and wearing red and purple together (in a decidedly non-hipster way). And you think, HOLY COW, my child looks like she just left a refugee camp and is "Fresh Off the Boat." And if you're thinking that, what are ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE at the Target food court thinking?!?

It's unfortunate, but appearance does matter.

And is particularly important if you're a person of color. And would like to get through your day peacefully. I guess I'm more of a conformist on a daily basis. And I sneak attack my social justice education and critical race theory on unsuspecting people who think, "look at this nice young lady and her well-kept, mild-mannered children."

I read a blog post today about a half Arab and half Jewish American woman who was detained on a plane on September 11th, JUST because of how she looked, because of how the two men next to her looked, because they were all playing Bejeweled on their smart phones and because the two men, taking the convenience of a cleared aisle, decided to go drop a deuce at the same time.

I'm glad we have Homeland Security and thorough measures to keep us safe. And the author seemed to understand the importance of her compliance, however violated she felt. But, what irks me is that SOMEONE reported "suspicious" activity. If white or East Asian or, even, in this case, black people were all sitting in a row, playing games and going potty, no one would have batted an eye.

Daughters, I hate to inform you that there are TOO MANY "someones" in our world still. Continued dialogue, not just amongst us brown and black folks, but between "enlightened" white people and others, continued deconstruction of our conceptions, of white privilege, perpetually conscious self-assessment of our behaviors. One day.

Until then, I'll raise you as I was raised. Be concious of your surroundings. And how you look within them. Don't be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Because, no matter what you think. Or how you self define. And though WE know the difference, looking from the outside in: where three or more are gathered, if you're not in Church, you're in a gang. (Definition of church. Definition of a gang.) (Also, another article about the very flawed social construct of race, further proof that no matter what you think of yourself, the you that you are, your "race" or "ethnicity" as perceived by others, depends on the surrounding and context you're in.)(Big H/T today to @lolaelizabeth.)

(Where I taught in Watts, the gang color was purple, FYI. With the white guy who used to drive a tinted-windowed Suburban, I'd say we look more like undocumented immigrants with our beloved Coyote.)

Love,