Dearest Daughters,
I am a notoriously immodest person. I have no qualms about undressing or dressing in a room full of people. Discretely as possible, of course, if it can be called such a thing when one is engaged in public nudity.
It's just how I was raised. Not to be ashamed of or embarrassed by my body. A body part is a body part. There are private ones and no one other than yourself should touch those until you are thirty-five or forty. And you certainly shouldn't go flashing them around. But, in the privacy of our own home, we needn't be so so modest.
Growing up and in our home now, we don't shut doors, in general. There is no such thing as privacy. Not when you're two and want to play in your room with your friends alone. Not when you're thirteen and want to talk on the phone or have a computer in your room alone. And not when you're eighteen and your boyfriend is over. We don't close doors and we definitely don't slam them. Ask Lola. And your eldest cousin about that one.
So, by extension, I don't close the door when I go to the bathroom. In my own home, I mean. Not like in public or at other people's homes. It perplexes your dad. And I can't really explain it either. Maybe it's laziness. Maybe it's the fact that I have two children following me. Maybe it's normalized paranoia that was instilled in me when I was told to NEVER lock the bathroom door. Because slipping and falling in the shower behind a locked door is WAY worse than being walked in on by your own family.
I suppose there are some reasons to close doors, for example, for fire safety and sex. But, other than that, there's no real point in my mind. Sure, kids might want to touch themselves. And that's fine. I'd much prefer that than any amount of pre-marital sex going on under my roof. But, as a parent, it's my job to make sexual activity hard to impossible. Meaning, if you're going to try to make out with someone or get to third base, you're going to have to work REALLY hard to find an opportunity to do so under my roof and on my watch. Trust me, I had a boyfriend in high school. And it was too easy. You can thank Lola for this one.
Your dad points out that this may backfire into backyard romps in the bushes or in the mall fountain. But, what's the alternative: oh, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, I'd really prefer you not get it on in public, so why don't you come inside and do that? I DON'T THINK SO. I still hold my expectations that you will not engage in any behavior inappropriate for your age and maturity. And I will hold you to those expectations. Will you mess up? Will I make sure you have access to birth control? And will I still love you. Yes, but I will not be happy and I will continue to express my expectations, because I know you will return to them.
But, back to the open door policy.
"Why is daddy standing up?"
"Because boys sometimes go pee pee standing up."
"That's right," you said, already knowing the answer. "And girls pee pee sitting down. And boys and girls sit down to poop. But, I poop in my diaper." (Dear God, why aren't you potty trained yet?!) "And girls have a puki and boys have a pintoy."
While "titi" is the Tagolog word for boy parts. My family has always used "pintoy"--which I doubt is a real Filipino word in any dialect and sounds more like my crazy grandma yelling, "Eh! Boy! Don't play wit dat. Iss not pin-toy!"
No boys, yet, so haven't really had to deal with that one. But, when and if I do, this sure will be confusing:
(click image for the website)
Credit goes to Lolo for stumbling across that one.
Love,
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