Three Random Things: Trim, Selfish, More Plastic Crap

Dearest Daughters,

Three things:

1. A little old lady called me “trim” today. “You know,” she said, “like me. Not like most fat people these days.” I can’t wait to be an old lady and throw my filter in the trash heap. Thanks, though, old lady. You’re looking pretty trim yourself!
2. There is ONE street parking spot directly in front of the back entrance to my work. It is sandwiched between a loading zone and spaces for people with disabilities. It has no time limit either. It is a coveted spot. You have to get to work early if you have any chance on God’s green earth of snagging it. There’s this one lady who works in the building who doesn’t have a disabled parking placard, but she has mobility issues. She’s usually the one parked there. When I pulled up this morning at 9am, there was no one in the spot! Hoooray for me! I zipped right in. Then, I thought, maybe I should move my car further away. I mean, I’m young and able bodied. I don’t mind the walk. I really should move my car so someone else can park here. And then, I didn’t. Because that’s the kind of person I am.
3. There is a new toy baby doll that breastfeeds (Kathie Lee Gifford demonstrates breastfeeding baby). OH MY GOD! RUN FOR THE HILLS! People like to get all in a thither about everything and their mom. (You said somethin’ bout my momma?) Obviously, we’re regular attendees of Camp Booby Snacks, but would I buy you this breastfeeding baby doll? Um, big GIANT NO. Not because I think it’s weird. Not because I don’t want you to learn about breastfeeding. Not, because I think pretend play is bogus. But, because it costs EIGHTY-NINE FREAKING DOLLARS, before tax and shipping! (Also, the Asian one looks strange.) And we don’t need another piece of crap plastic stuck under the couch. And Babybel, you already nurse your dolls, stuffed animals and even Iron Man. You’re a pro!

Love,

Mommy

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