To Babybel on the occasion of being one month old

Dear Babybel,

We’ve kept you alive for a whole month! What should we do to celebrate? Take a couple of shots? Go out clubbing? Or maybe just stay in and eat, sleep, poop and read The Very Hungry Caterpillar like we do everyday?

Your daddy has a practice (which he picked up from extended family in Los Angeles) of asking me to share “one good thing” about my day and “one thing that maybe wasn’t my favorite.” We don’t do this everyday, especially since you’ve come into our lives and sucked up all of our time. But, we try. And I ask you almost everyday, even though you don't understand English quite yet. You do speak Finnish, Cantonese and Urdu, but I don’t understand those languages yet either.

So, what has been one good thing about your first month of life? Who am I kidding? One?! There are about a million and a half good things about the month I’ve spent with you. The smell of your head. Your half upturned smile when you recognize my voice or my off tune rendition of “Baby Beluga.” How much you’ve grown! How you have been trying to hold your head up since your second week of life. How your head smells. Your toes. The way you grab my shirt or hair when I’m holding you, which I know is some primate instinct, but makes me feel needed nonetheless. How nicely you sit in your bouncy seat. How you like to stare at the ceiling, or lights or, even, my face. How cuddly you are. How you growl and whine and make all kinds of noises, indicating you’ll probably take after your daddy when it comes to your verbal abilities. When your daddy comes home and holds you, because it’s cute and because I can finally breathe or sweep or eat ice cream or sit down to write a letter like this one.

And what’s been one not so good thing about this month? Well, there’s more than one of those too. Projectile vomit. Projectile poop. Exhaustion. Clogged milk ducts. Your daddy being really sick, thus making me your 24-hour care giver for the past week. The crying. Not so much yours as mine (you’re a very “good” baby). Exhaustion. Eating cold food because I had to feed you first. Feeling way less than productive. Living in a pile of smelly burp rags. Feeling like I'm alone all day, even though you're right there.

Some people might read this and think that I’m complaining. That motherhood should be all rainbows and kittens. Or that one should only talk about the rainbows and kittens on such a public forum as a blog. But, I think it’s ALWAYS important to talk not only about the rainbows and kittens, but also about the storm that came before the rainbow and the allergies and litter boxes that accompany kittens.

You are a wonderful one month old, but this has probably been one of the most challenging months of my life: for you, certainly, for me, for my marriage. More challenging than Wellesley, than writing a Master’s thesis in less than a week, than the New York Times Sunday crossword, than running a mile in high school PE class, than taking the solo night hike during 5th grade Outdoor Ed, than navigating the Costa Rican bus system. And more rewarding. More rewarding than any of my academic achievements, than surviving a year of teaching 9th graders, than vomiting after a night of too much Andre champagne, than making it up the stairs when I was nine months pregnant with you, than finding a really good deal at Macy’s (even one of those 15% off of 40% off of 50% off deals).

You are so totally worth it all.

Remember: Make good choices. And I love you no matter what. Even if you don’t make good choices. I’ll still love you. I’ll just hang you by your toes in a closet until you learn your lesson.

Loving you,
Mommy

Comments

[Lola]

You are a gifted Mother - intelligent, resourceful, authentic, loving and beautiful!!
Marible is a blessing no doubt but so are you!

[Merissa]

She is just soo precious!! ;o)
She always looks like she's just chillin' with no care in the world...she's always just soo layed back!!
See...you are a great mommy because you already accept the fact that she will be making some mistakes and that's just the part of growing up...gosh...I wish my mom understood all that haha lol

[Auntie Katherine]

And did we mention how her head smells? She is a sweetpea!

P.S. Maribel, don't worry, Auntie will sneak you candy while you're hanging by your toes in the closet.