Tokyo Writings: On Being Alone in a Crowd

9 October 2008

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and in Tokyo. It's our fourth day here. We've been to Shibuya, Shinjuku, Akihabara, Ueno, Asakusa. Yesterday, I visited the government area of Central Tokyo which is nearish our hotel in Akasaka. Today I'm going to the fancy shopping district, Ginza.

There are people everywhere. No, really. It's like New York City on crack. It's overwhelming.

Believe it or not, I actually saw the same person twice yesterday. No, not the guy at the front desk or someone in a retail shop. But, an actual real live person. On the street. Spotted within the span of four hours. Granted she must work in the building I was exiting the first time we passed, but to see her again four hours later on my way back towards the hotel! It gave me some sense of sanity and humanity in this endless city.

Perhaps there were others that I saw more than once yesterday. And surely they noticed me--with my brightly colored messenger bag and pregnant belly. But, I wouldn't notice them all in their suits and typically metropolitan monochromatic clothing palette. Everyone is pretty anonymous, I guess that's why that guy went on a shooting rampage in Akihabara awhile back. Beadle told me about it; the guy crashed his car and started shooting. He later said he did it because he was ugly, no one noticed him, he wanted to be someone. Four days here and I can see how someone might feel that way in Tokyo. Though, according to Beadle, he was ugly.

The reason I noticed this particular human twice in one day was not because she was ugly, but because she was wearing an ugly outfit. It wasn't the worst I've ever seen, but women here tend to dress pretty stylishly and classically. They all have gorgeous, if uncomfortable, shoes that they run to work in, hurrying to make the clock, I guess. In other hipper, younger areas, they dress less conservatively, but everyone is always always always put-together. Unless it's after five and they're leaving a bar. In that case, they look a little less put-together.

This particular woman was indeed put-together, but as I was checking out all the women in their clothes, I noted to myself that I wouldn't recreate her outfit for myself. A shapeless, purple silk blouse and a not-quite-black skirt. A maroon skinny belt, attempting unsuccessfully to give her and her clashing shirt shape. Oh, and an ill-fitting suit jacket. The shoes were lacking too as Tokyo-ite shoes go. On to checking out the next outfit, little did I know I'd see this woman again, let alone recognize her because of her unsightly attire.

A sign, perhaps? But, of what? A reprimand from the heavens or Buddha or Shinto deities to not be judgmental? Or a glimpse of humanity to comfort me in my foreign isolation and tourist haze? An epiphany! I'm not alone, neither are they. They aren't anonymous, after all. They are humans, not suits! Or, perhaps, I'm reading too much into this?

The more I people watch, I notice that despite the magnitude of the city and its population, people are more connected to each other than I assumed at first. A few times a day, I see people bowing and greeting one another, business or personal acquaintances, perhaps. On the subway platform, at a sidewalk vending machine, while smoking a cigarette, grabbing a snack at the 7-11.

As I walk the streets, I have no one to greet. I expect to see no one I know. And, so, it's nice to be pregnant here. I'm not alone either! We're on this adventure together. When it gets crowded on the subway and I become overwhelmed. When I fumble with unfamiliar currency while paying for lunch. While I navigate the unnamed streets and unmarked buildings, trying to find a fabric store. Or in a desperate search for a bathroom with a toilet (not one of those holes in the ground that are pretty common). She's in there. And I just reach my hand to my belly, take a deep breath and am renewed with confidence that I don't need Beadle around, I've traveled abroad before, I've been in crowds of people, experienced culture shock, not spoken the language. I can do it on my own, or almost on my own as this case may be.

Comments

[Miss Merissa]

Oh and the woman you saw twice is only a sign that you are human and believe you are the least judgmental person I know...God is simply telling you that you have a great sense of style and are very observant!! :)Say Hi to Beadle and Marrribel for me lol

[Miss Merissa]

WOW! Tokyo, Japan...I just came back from being in the snow in Lake Tahoe for ECC...Good times, Good times. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the time that you are there and say Hi to the REAL Hello Kitty for me!!Much Love