I get it now! Eureka, dumbass!

So, after a chat with Kate today, I realized that the fact that life sucks for me right now isn't a bad thing. I have been thinking that everything bad happens to me. That I must have been doing something wrong in my friendships to experience so much emotional distress this semester. It's me, I've thought to myself. I must be such a horrible person that I've brought this upon myself.

And really, in a sense, it is me. It's not me in the sense that everyone goes through crap, everyone experiences drama, hurts others, gets hurt and looses loved ones; it is me in the sense that I just process all that in a more intense way than most. That is to say (if you will permit me to further my ambiguous, cryptic analogies here) that I ride the roller coaster of life. I feel every moment, every up and down and twist and turn. Indeed, there was a time in my life that I numbed every fiber of my existence against, basically, all of my feelings and after a few years of counseling and non-stop verbal processing, I've turned a 180, for better or for worse. This is not to say that there is no room for me to move back towards a more balanced approach to life. But for now, for me, I don't think it's a bad thing that I not only allow myself to, but also want to feel every emotion that comes my way. I'm not saying everyone ought to be as hyper-sensitive as I am, it just explains why everything hurts so bad. And why most people prefer to not feel anything at all.

Maybe I'm bi-polar. And a compulsive liar.